"Shut Up and Go To Sleep"

Just in case anyone who reads this thinks I've got it together...WRONG. While I know how I should feel, and what I should do...putting it into practice is a whole different thing. I go nights without sleeping (worry and anxiety), I cry regularly, and miss my daughter terribly. I miss the way things used to be. I miss having both of my girls in church on Sunday. I miss knowing that my baby girl will be "just fine" because she loves Jesus. Nothing is clear right now. It is as if I'm driving in dense fog, and I don't know what obstacle is ahead of me. There are lots of things I could say to myself...but none of them seem to help at times. Nothing takes away the pain and confusion in my heart. Perhaps I'm not "spiritual" enough to fall into God's arms in faith. Or maybe it's just because I'm just a human woman. I'm a human woman that's walked a non-perfect life (far from it at times).

My pastor told a story at the end of his sermon yesterday, that I believe God wanted him to share just for me. It was about a couple that went on a cruise (I love cruises!). During their cruise, they came upon a storm. The seas were rocking and rolling to the extreme, and the guests were all asked to remain in their staterooms. The husband laid down to sleep. But the wife was worried and anxious. She called the desk and asked to speak to the captain. The purser told her that he was working, and a little too busy to take her call, but offered to relay a message. She wanted to know how long this storm would last, when they would be in calmer water, and if the ship could hold up through this storm. The purser assured her he would relay the message, and get back to her. In a few minutes, the purser returned her call.

The captain had a 2 part reply to her concerns.
1. "Shut up and go to sleep."
2. "This ship was built for this specific storm."

See...God knows. He has this thing in his Hands. He knows I'm just a human woman...a mother worried about her own baby. He knows I don't "have it together" and that most days I'm barely hanging on. But he says to me..."Kathy, just shut up and go to sleep! I've got this one!" Is it easy to trust? NO! Is it easy not to worry? NO! Is it easy to leave it in His hands? NO! But I still have to try. I still have to go to Him minute by minute. Do I do it? Most of the time, NO! But I will continue to try...minute by minute.